Revelations of the inner Me

I've waited a long time for this
It feels right now
Allow me to introduce myself
I want you to come a little closer
I'd like you to get to know me a little bit better
Meet the real me
Huh, so here it is
No hype, no gloss, no pretense
Just me

Stripped.

[ HAIRIANTO ]
seventeen
april 11th
perfectionist
haute couture
still searching

JUSTTOPERFECTMYLIFE
Materialistic me:
-have lots of money
-be way better looking than this
-did i mention money? and yes money!
-be good-looking,k? K, Awesome!

Non-materialistic me:
-be contented with what i have
-love myself even more
-have supper at Lau Pa Sat every weekend

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Hey ThErE!

i am not sure of what title i should put for this entry, thus after cracking this puny brain of mine, i have decided to give it "untitled" as a title.

Two more days of school and it's over! Holidays are here! Finally! Whee!

Tomorrow, i will be going on air on Ria, 89.7FM. Excited? A little. Nervous and scared? A lot! I hope i will do a good job tomorrow and who knows i may be talent-spotted to be a DJ, a training DJ at least (insya-Allah). This is what i have always wanted to do since i was ten years old. Being able to work with the media, getting in touch with the lives of other people. I want to help people, i want to inspire people, i want to add value into other people's lives. In short, i want to be a positive role model.

Hence, currently i am working to be someone who can manage his time well. He is able to prioritise and ensure that his life is in order, or so at least it looks like. He is sure of what he wants in life. He wants to be strong mentally and be and appear confident. He wants to show to others that he has total control of his life and he is well-aware of the direction he is heading.However, can i be that "he"?

I may appear confident, i may appear strong on the outside, i may appear as though i have my life in order and in control but to tell the truth i don't. I am constantly bugged by what others think and say of me. I do have considerable low self-esteem. My life is in a mess with no head or tail, it's everywhere. I swallow the hardships and insults but at the end of the day, i run and hide in the corner which i call my own bomb shelter. There, i will weep like a baby and let myself disintegrate, collapse. When the morning comes, the masquerading as a confident and tough person continues.

The cycle goes on.

The flames die one by one, slowly...Just like the memories we shared, erased.

-bling!-
revealing life at.
11:48 PM

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Sorry you can't define me
Sorry I break the mold
Sorry that I speak my mind
Sorry don't do what I'm told
Sorry if I don't fake it
Sorry I come so real
I will never hide what I really feel

What is it that makes us feel the need to keep pretending?